Vacation Insurance
By Wyatt Earp | July 31, 2006
Yeah, I know: The Triumvirate of Evil want me to butt the hell out already, but I needed a break from packing every piece of clothing in our home. I keep thinking about this damned plane ride – I’m not a good flier – and I keep feeling queasy. The worst part is that I have to act like a man – a role not suited for me – in front of the kids. So, that rules out me running up and down the aisles yelling, “Let me off! Let me off! Let me off!“
I am a chronic worrier, but I was also a Boy Scout, so I want to be prepared for a midair blimp attack. Thus, I want to make sure my assets are covered. Thus, I give to you . . .
Wyatt’s Top Ten Last Will And Testament Provisions
10. Fmragtops must write a eulogy on his blog – just to get him posting again.
9. I will donate my brain to science . . . for lab rat food.
8. The CUG will hunt down and impale those responsible for my demise.
7. Lipo will be performed so I leave a better-looking corpse.
6. Fitch will stop his hippie ways, post haste!
5. Dave at Garfield Ridge will compare me to Neil Diamond.
4. CBS will bring back Robbery Homicide Division.
3. Vinnie will amend my score on the 17th to read a 2.
2. The autopsy results revealing that I am a Cylon will be sealed.
And the number one Last Will and Testament provision is . . .
1. Uber and Pandy will attend the funeral . . . in cheerleader uniforms.
Topics: Uncategorized | 10 Comments »
July 31st, 2006 at 2:45 pm
Tin Cop,
I don’t remember seeing any Cylons that needed Lipo.
Have a good vaca…
Oh, and FIRSSST!!!
July 31st, 2006 at 3:21 pm
I’M NOT A HIPPIE!!!
July 31st, 2006 at 3:59 pm
You still here? Go have fun with your family, and leave The Triumverate Of Evil to our own devices. Your blog may or may not be here when you return.
General Zod will smite any airline official guilty of any douchebaggery that may cause you to suffer. Make sure you tell them that too. And tell them to kneel before Zod!
Zod will strike down upon them with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to crash the airplane of my brothers. And you will know my name is Zod when I lay my vengeance upon thee! Not that this whole Triumverate Of Evil thing has gone to my head.
July 31st, 2006 at 4:29 pm
Don’t worry Wyatt, airplanes almost never crash. Have fun on your vacation. That’s what you’re supposed to do on vacation, or so I’ve heard.
July 31st, 2006 at 6:09 pm
Hey, if number 1 will come true, well, I guess sacrificing you for it would be fine!
July 31st, 2006 at 6:47 pm
I can see why number 1 is number 1!
NOW GO HAVE FUN, DAMMIT!!!
July 31st, 2006 at 7:36 pm
You forgot the Guiness!
Have a wonderful trip. Just know that it is just as hot, yet much harder to breathe here than it is there.
July 31st, 2006 at 9:14 pm
Thnaks all! I’m out! See y’all on August 9th!!!
July 31st, 2006 at 9:15 pm
Damnit!!! I meant “Thanks.”
Brain is already on vacation.
August 2nd, 2006 at 10:17 am
My pregnant belly won’t fit in a cheerleader uniform!
Hope it’s a fabulous trip…