An Open Letter To The People Of Philadelphia
By Wyatt Earp | August 10, 2009
The progress as of Thursday.
Dear jerkasses,
While I realize that construction may be a thing of wonderment to many of you slack-jawed yokels, I can assure you we are not splitting the atom at Casa de Earp. The brilliant guys at J. Rush Construction are raising our roof, adding a master bedroom, a regular bedroom, and a master bath. The work is going very smoothly thus far, but it is still an unfinished piece of art.
So, imagine our annoyance when we get people driving down our street to gawk at our still unfinished house. Driving by slowly to see the progress is fine, especially during the day. But when a white minivan full of jackoffs drives down the street and stops in front of our house – in the middle of the lane, by the way – to stare at our home for 15 minutes . . . in the dark . . . it is not only rude, but ignorant.
Look, I realize that I am a highly-trained blog professional, and that my fans come from near and far to see where all the magic happens. I can accept that. But when people stop in front of my house during the night with the engine running for no apparent reason, I get anxious. Especially when the family is home.
And when Wyatt gets anxious, Wyatt wakes up Mr. Glock 17.
Oh, and don’t let my happy-go-lucky demeanor fool you. I can split hairs with this thing. I’m just sayin’.
Topics: People I Hate | 17 Comments »
August 10th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Maybe they just want to get a glimpse of you in your leather Speedo.
August 10th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Your city scares me.
August 10th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Much too light on the fire power.
For bump in the night, you need an NFA AR-15. While it is only semi-auto, you do have your choice of 5.56, 6.8, 300 whisper, or 9mm as your ammunition.
While I love and carry the Glock 19 (and the 30 sometimes) I prefer higher ammunition capacity, longer sight radius, clamp on illumination, and overall giggity goodness.
When everything goes to shit, and there are many pushing the cart into the shit river, go for enough love to four tap five shitems without having to change magazines.
Jason
August 10th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
ROAD SIGN:
We shoot every third gawker, the second one just passed!
August 10th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
John D – I want to drive people AWAY, not to the house!
Bitter – And you carry a gun!
Jason – Captain America has an AK. And since I am house/blogsitting for him . . .
Alan – Nice. I wonder if they have it billboard size?
August 10th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Where we take you!
Our Big Bus Tours take in all of Philadelphia’s main sights. Take a look at our full list of stops below.
Stop 1. Independance Visitor’s Centre
Stop 2. Betsy Ross House
Stop 3. National Constitution Center
Stop 4. Chinatown
Stop 5. Hard Rock Cafe
Stop 6. Love Park / City Hall
Stop 7. The Cathedral Basilica of Sts Peter And Paul
Stop 8. Rodin Museum
Stop 9. “Rocky’s Steps” Museum of Art
Stop 10. Eastern State Penitentiary
Stop 11. Philadelphia Museum of Art
Stop 12. Philadelphia Zoo
Stop 13. Franklin Institute Science Museum
Stop 14. Logan Circle
Stop 15. Academy of Music
Stop 16. Antiques Row
Stop 17. South Street/Head House Square
Stop 18. Society Hill Sheraton
Stop 19. Penn’s Landing/waterfront
Stop 20. Old City/Christ Church
Stop 21. Wyatt Earp’s ranch, currently under construction.
August 10th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
I could see if folks were thinking, “Gee, let’s do that to our house.” However, stalking you guys at night is a bit much.
People are weird.
August 10th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
That does look like a smash and grab waiting to happen.
August 10th, 2009 at 9:16 pm
I wake up Glock 22 or Remington 870
August 11th, 2009 at 12:29 am
Captain America has an AK. And since I am house/blogsitting for him . . .
The commies do two things extremely well: oppress people and build guns. What a great design.
August 11th, 2009 at 3:37 am
Who cares what the armament is… call the cops.. oh wait… er… going back to my den…
August 11th, 2009 at 8:34 am
If it makes you feel better, my parents noticed one of their neighbors videotaping their street while it was being re-paved! (Must be an Erie….or a PA thing?)
And hey, I’ve lived here for five years and I still have looky-loos nibbing around to see what’s up here.
They haven’t found my moonshine still yet! *hee*
August 11th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I am so glad I live in the country. For people to gawk at my house, they have to come up the driveway.
August 11th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
I can make a phone call if you need some F-16’s to strafe the street. heh.
August 11th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Looking good Wyatt. Are those joists made of oak? That’s be only fitting…
I know what you mean about getting antsy at night. I’ve pulled my Glock out of the nightstand a few times myself.
August 12th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Mr. Glock 17 needs a friend, a bright fellow of at least a million candlepower for those evening gawkers. Put a red filter on it and they’ll think they’ve been laser-sighted by major artillery.
August 12th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
I second the laser idea… one of those grip attachments… there’s nothing more intimidating than a red dot on you in the dark.