Noinch, Noinch, Noinch, Growin’ Weed

By Wyatt Earp | August 9, 2008 12:00 pm

Guess who’s growing marijuana inside our National Parks? It’s our delightful neighbors to the South!

SEQUOIA NATIONAL FOREST, California — Beyond the towering trees that have stood here for thousands of years, an intense drug war is being waged.

Illegal immigrants connected to Mexico’s drug cartels are growing hundreds of millions of dollars worth of marijuana in the heart of one of America’s national treasures, authorities say. It’s a booming business that, federal officials say, feeds Mexico’s most violent drug traffickers.

“These aren’t Cheech and Chong plants,” said John Walters, director of the National Drug Control Policy. “People who farm now are not doing this for laughs, despite the fact Hollywood still thinks that. They’re doing it to make a lot of money.”

This last line if the absolute kicker. Get your duct tape . . .

Boudreaux says authorities are furious that cartels are operating in a U.S. forest. (H/T - CNN)

Well, here’s an idea, Mr. Boudreaux: START GETTING SERIOUS ABOUT OUR BORDER ISSUE AND MAYBE THIS NONSENSE WILL STOP!

This Date In History

By Wyatt Earp | August 9, 2008 8:00 am

August 9th, 1997 - Wyatt Gets Married

Yeah, I couldn’t believe it, either. She obviously had/has a thing for fat, slow-witted men. Anyway, today is my 11-year anniversary, and (as always) we’ll be spending it surrounded by our little rug rats.

Thankfully, the in-laws are coming over so the missus and I can go out to dinner. At this point, we may just find a parking lot and take an uninterrupted nap for two hours. Mmm . . . nappy time!

Oh, and speaking of anniversaries, today is RT’s two-year blogiversary. Stop by and congratulate her, too!

Spanish Shopkeeper Finds Homer Simpson Euro

By Wyatt Earp | August 9, 2008 12:00 am

I guess it’s worth a lot of D’oh!

MADRID - A one euro coin has turned up in Spain bearing the face of cartoon couch potato Homer Simpson instead of that of the country’s king, a sweetshop owner told Reuters on Friday.

Jose Martinez was counting the cash in his till in the city of Aviles, northern Spain, when he came across the coin where Homer’s bald head, big eyes and big nose had replaced the serious features of King Juan Carlos.

“The coin must have been done by a professional, the work is impressive,” he told Reuters. (H/T - )

To quote the Comic Book Guy: “Greatest work of art . . . EVER!”

Weekend Caption Contest

By Wyatt Earp | August 8, 2008 8:00 pm

Hot And Dangerous Caption Contest
(Source: Uncle Ray)

Submit your original caption to this photo in the comments section, or e-mail me your photoshop entries. The winners will be announced on Monday, August 11th. Good luck!

Photoshop Entries: (Click to embiggen)

Cowboy Blob

B.C.

B.C.2

Other Current Contests:
Blonde Sagacity
bRight & Early (I took 3rd Place here last week.)
Cowboy Blob
Family Security Matters
Gone Rick Motel
Right Pundits
Rodney Dill
RT (I took 2nd Place here last week.)
TrekMedic (I WON here last week!)
WILLisms (I WON here last week!)
Wizbang

Top Ten Entries:
10. I wish I knew what all these buttons were for. I hope I hit a red light so I can apply some mascara. - Uncle Ray
9. Because of military spending cuts, female pilots are forced to replace side arms for protection with the Ruth Buzzy mode of fending off intruders to the cockpit. - RT
8. Settle down guys, I’m not wearing any shoes and I think I’m pregnant. - Kaveman
7. Oh, great, I left my GPS in my other purse. - Aunt Noreen
6. Tampax, because when Mother Nature calls, you could be anywhere… - Ryan
5. Cowboy blob’s Photoshop.
4. Cheat on me you SOB, I’ll get you this time. - Old Soldier
3. RT attempts to take on something easy (compared to understanding Wyatt). - Rodney Dill
2. Capt. Jim really got into “Take your daughter to work day”. Much to the dismay of the rest of the crew. - The Man

WINNER! - B.C.’s Starbucks Photoshop!

Police Free 26 Cheerleaders From Elevator

By Wyatt Earp | August 8, 2008 4:00 pm

Why couldn’t I ever get a radio call like this?

Police and firefighters were called to the University of Texas’ Jester Hall to free 26 cheerleaders who had crammed themselves into an elevator.

A group of 14- to 17-year-olds attending Texas Cheer Camp in Austin decided to see how many girls they could squeeze into the elevator around 6 p.m. Tuesday, campus police said.

The elevator successfully descended from the fourth floor to the first, but the doors refused to open. (H/T - )

The story goes on to state that the girls “wiggled” some cell phones free to call for help. I passed out after reading that, and have just recently been revived. Heh.

Russian, Georgian Forces Wage War

By Wyatt Earp | August 8, 2008 12:00 pm

Of course, no one is calling it a “war,” but what else would you call two countries logging rockets at each other, and bombing each other back to The Stone Age?

TBLISI, Georgia — Bombs rocked Tbilisi early Saturday morning as the fight between Georgia and Russia over a breakaway region intensified and moved into the Georgian capital.

Government buildings, including the Parliament, were evacuated when the bombs fell.

A declaration of martial law was likely within hours, Georgia National Security Council secretary Alexander Lomaia said.

Heavy casualties have reported on both sides since Russian forces moved Friday into South Ossetia, a pro-Russian autonomous region of Georgia.

Maybe it’s me, but this sounds like an invasion to me.

Russian President Dmitry Medvedev, quoted by Interfax, said Russians had died because of Georgian military operations in South Ossetia.

Russia “will not allow the deaths of our compatriots to go unpunished,” and “those guilty will receive due punishment,” he said. “My duty as Russian president is to safeguard the lives and dignity of Russian citizens, wherever they are. This is what is behind the logic of the steps we are undertaking now.” (H/T - CNN)

Oh yeah, this Medvedev guy sounds like someone we can deal with and trust.

Little Green Footballs has more HERE.

UPDATE: Russia is crushing dissent in Georgia, and getting back to its Stalinist roots:

GORI, Georgia (AP) - Russia sent hundreds of tanks and troops into the separatist province of South Ossetia and bombed Georgian towns Saturday in a major escalation of the conflict that has left scores of civilians dead and wounded.

Bombing its own civilians. Yeah, and America is the evil country.

Do The Obamas Hate America?

By Wyatt Earp | August 8, 2008 7:00 am

A few weeks ago, I would have said no. Now, I’m not so sure. After some of these remarks, it is obvious that they both have some serious issues with America - not just the current administration.

When presidential candidates answer questions from children about why they want the job, most will give an answer that uplifts the child and the candidate. Not Barack Obama. At a campaign stop in Elkhart, Indiana, a seven-year-old girl asked the Democrat why he wants to be President — and he told her that America has gone downhill:

“America is …, uh, is no longer, uh … what it could be, what it once was. And I say to myself, I don’t want that future for my children.”

Barack Obama, the man who wants to be elected President of the United States, actually said this to a 7-year old girl. Unbelievable. And then, there’s Michelle Obama:

“Sometimes it’s easier to hold onto your own stereotypes and misconceptions. It makes you feel justified in your ignorance. That’s America.”

America the Ignorant? I always thought the song was entitled “America the Beautiful.” Oh, and who can forget this little gem?

“Let me tell you something. For the first time in my adult life, I am proud of my country, because it feels like hope is making a comeback.” (H/T - Hot Air)

If you click the link, you can watch video footage of the Obamas’ quotes, and a terrific follow-up by Rush Limbaugh.

I don’t think it’s any big secret that I am not fond of Barack Obama and his socialist policies. I don’t think it’s any big secret that I despise Michelle Obama. I think she is the second coming of Tereza Heinz-Kerry. But, while I do not agree with them, I always thought they were trying to do what - in their minds - was best for America.

I don’t think that way anymore.

British Athletes Get Naked For Powerade

By Wyatt Earp | August 8, 2008 12:00 am

God Save the Queen!

No, it’s not Geri Halliwell, I just posted her photo to give you an idea of British babes. You can click the link at the bottom for the uber-hottie cyclist. And don’t worry; they’re Olympic athletes, so you won’t be seeing any fatties.

LONDON (Reuters) - Some of Britain’s top athletes have decided to bare all ahead of the Beijing Olympics.

Triple jumper Phillips Idowu, cyclist Rebecca Romero and swimmer Gregor Tait have all been photographed taking part in their individual sports stark naked as part of an advertising campaign for a sports drink.

“Everyone is used to seeing athletes in competition or winning, but we wanted to give people the chance to see the real make-up of an athlete and their muscle and power,” said Cathryn Sleight, marketing director for Coca-Cola Great Britain, which launched the Powerade campaign. (H/T - )

I know what you’re thinking: “But Wyatt, where are the photos?” Where, indeed . . .

.

Yeah, that’ll cut down on wind resistance.

Hugo Chavez: Philly’s Favorite Son

By Wyatt Earp | August 7, 2008 8:00 pm

It turns out that Venezuelan President/Dictator Hugo Chavez is really just a nice guy after all. He’s just misunderstood. At least that’s what the morons at The Philadelphia Daily News would have you believe:

Maybe it ticked you off when Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez called President Bush “the devil” at the United Nations last year. Maybe it didn’t.

Either way, there’s something you should know: The dude’s giving away free lightbulbs.

“The dude?” I wonder what prestigious journalism school Dave Davies attended?

Funded by Venezuela’s oil company, CITGO, a local nonprofit will be handing out 45,000 energy-efficient bulbs to low- and moderate-income folks in Philadelphia, one of 11 U.S. cities in the free-bulb program.

“They’ve asked us to do a whole series of energy-education workshops as part of the program,” said Liz Robinson, director of the Energy Coordinating Agency, which runs a series of energy assistance and conservation programs.

So that’s the bargain - come to a workshop and get information on weatherizing your home and other energy-saving measures, and you walk away with a free 10-pack of compact fluorescent bulbs, courtesy of Hugo. (The Philadelphia Daily News)

Maybe the folks at the Daily News would change their high opinion of Chavez after reading ?

Nah, probably not.

Detroit Mayor Sent To Prison

By Wyatt Earp | August 7, 2008 4:00 pm

And only about what, eight years too late?

DETROIT, Michigan — Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick was jailed Thursday after a judge found he had violated terms of his bond by taking an unauthorized trip to Canada last month.

Kilpatrick, who is facing felony charges of perjury, obstruction of justice and misconduct of office, had been free on $75,000 bond.

Hey, don’t blame Kwame. He was just trying to catch a Toronto Maple Leafs game!

Kilpatrick visited Windsor, Ontario, on July 23 to discuss with Windsor’s mayor a plan to sell Detroit’s half of the tunnel connecting the two cities, according to the Free Press.

Under terms of his bond, Kilpatrick was required to give the court 48 hours’ notice for business travel, District Court Judge Ronald Giles noted Thursday.

Kilpatrick apologized for the trip, telling Giles his first priority was taking care of the city. (H/T - CNN)

Actually, his first priority is to not drop the soap in prison. Do you believe the wontons on this guy? This toad is facing multiple felony counts for corruption, refuses to step down, then states that his first priority is taking care of Detroit?

Sir, the best way to take care of the city is for you to resign in disgrace.

Hillary Supporters To March On Denver

By Wyatt Earp | August 7, 2008 12:00 pm

It’ll be like the March on Selma . . . without all of those pesky African-Americans.

By the way, whatever happened to Hillary? I haven’t seen her for a while, but I remember her saying something about doing “whatever it takes” to help Barack Obama win the Presidency. Was she lying about that, or did the Obama campaign tie her up and throw her down a well?

A grassroots organization of Hillary Clinton supporters has announced plans to march in Denver on the same day the New York senator is set to address her party’s faithful during the Democratic convention there.

The march will take place on August 26 and is being organized by 18 Million Voices Rise Hillary Rise. The march will be accompanied by a festival in downtown Denver and additional coordinated marches across the country on the same day.

Clinton, who garnered approximately 18 million votes in the long Democratic primary fight, is scheduled to speak at the convention on the 88th anniversary of the date American women were granted the right to vote. (H/T - CNN)

Okay, show of hands: Who really thinks Hillary Clinton is going to sit quietly in the corner during the Democratic Convention? Apparently, the commenters below the CNN post do not. Check them out. It’s turning into a hotbed of infighting; just one snarky comment after another.

That’s My Boy!

By Wyatt Earp | August 7, 2008 8:00 am

Kyle, ready for his next save.

My seven-year old son Kyle will be playing in his hockey league’s championship game on Monday night!

His team won last night, by a score of 2-1, with Kyle in goal. Wearing his brand new “lucky” helmet - a donation from The Badger - he made a few quality saves, and held off some late shots to seal the win. (Relax, Badger: the photo is from last week. He wore the helmet last night.) The championship game in on Monday night, and Kyle’s team is (so far) unbeaten.

Kyle likes the thought of staying undefeated, but he’s grounded: he knows his team has to win on Monday night, and that’s the only thing on his mind right now. I’m biased, of course, but I think Kyle is the best goaltender on the team. That being said, he is the backup, and I already told the boy that if the other goalie (Pat) wants to play, it’s his choice. Either way, Kyle will go where he’s needed. He just wants to play the game.

I’ll post the results of the game on Monday night or Tuesday morning. Wish him luck!

Brett Favre Traded To The New York Jets

By Wyatt Earp | August 7, 2008 4:00 am

What about Brett Fav... ruh?

Somewhere, The Man is doing the happy dance.

For a story this big, I think it is time to break out the handy-dandy SYLG News Translator. The news story is in the block quotes, and my spot-on translation is highlighted in bold.

The Brett Favre era in Green Bay is now officially over. But Favre’s legendary career is not.

Good job, Green Bay. You let one of the greatest quarterbacks ever to play the game slip through your fingers. Brett Favre is now going to play in New Jersey. NEW JERSEY!!!

The month-long saga has finally come to an end, with the Packers agreeing to trade their future Hall-of-Fame quarterback to the New York Jets, FOXSports.com first reported Wednesday night.

Sure, he was a whiny little bitch toward the end, but he was a whiny little bitch with a thunderbolt for an arm. He was like Paris Hilton without the herpes.

The Packers and Jets both confirmed the trade later Wednesday in separate press releases.

It was difficult to read either press release, since the one from the Packers was covered in melted cheese, and the one from the Jets was covered in champagne and reeked of sex.

“I am looking forward to seeing Brett Favre in a New York Jets uniform,” Jets Chairman and CEO Woody Johnson said in a statement released by the team. “He represents a significant addition to this franchise, and reflects our commitment to putting the best possible product on the field.” (H/T - FOX Sports)

While appearing to downplay this minor deal - a deal that immediately had people asking, “The Jets still field a team?” - Woody Johnson lived up to his name on Wednesday. He was so excited he couldn’t stand up for six hours.

Death By Salad

By Wyatt Earp | August 7, 2008 12:00 am

Antony Worrall Thompson: Idiot Chef

I always knew that healthy food would kill you . . .

LONDON - Celebrity chef Antony Worrall Thompson has apologised after accidentally recommending a potentially deadly plant in organic salads.

The chef and TV presenter said in a magazine article that the weed henbane, also known as stinking nightshade, made an excellent addition to summertime meals.

There was plenty of it, it grew locally and was used by the ancient Greeks and the Arabs for its anaesthetic properties.

Er, not quite.

Henbane, or Hyoscyamus niger, is toxic and can cause hallucinations, convulsions, vomiting and in extreme cases death.

Oh, is that all? Good job, Antony. Since I an a Shakespeare fan, I noticed this little fact immediately, but it bears a mention:

Henbane, a close relative of deadly nightshade, was used by Dr. Crippen to kill his wife in 1910, and is thought to have been the main ingredient in the poison Romeo took in Shakespeare’s play “Romeo and Juliet”. (H/T - )

And which of us doesn’t want to go out like Romeo? Bring it on!

Humpday History Highlight

By Wyatt Earp | August 6, 2008 9:00 pm

Critically wounded, Herkimer still leads the battle.

August 6, 1777 - General Nicholas Herkimer falls at the Battle of Oriskany

On this day in 1777, 800 of Patriot General Nicholas Herkimer’s militiamen from Tryon, County, New York, are ambushed as they attempt to relieve Fort Stanwix (now Rome, New York), which was occupied by the British. Herkimer was mortally wounded during the ensuing fight and died 10 days later.

Herkimer hailed from a Palatinate German community in the Mohawk River Valley of New York and had gained experience as a militia captain during the Seven Years’ War. He led the Tryon County Committee of Safety beginning in 1775 and later added a post as colonel of the county militia to his responsibilities. After independence, he became a brigadier general in the New York state militia.

When Herkimer learned that the British had taken Fort Stanwix in July 1777, he called the largely immigrant German county militia to gather at Fort Dayton (now Herkimer, New York), to begin the 40-mile westward march to the besieged Stanwix. On August 6, with the Patriots still en route to Fort Stanwix, a mixed party of British regulars and Mohawk Indians launched the ambush known as the Battle of Oriskany, during which Herkimer was wounded and his horse was shot. (H/T - History.com)

In my opinion, General Nicholas Herkimer is the epitome of American military leadership tradition.